And Then they Became Parents! · And we place our hope...

And Even on the Worst of Days

Today.  It started off pretty well…We had a late start to the morning and got ourselves out the door in good time to run 3 miles with a friend.  Bubs slept in the stroller most of the way which is always a good thing.  Then, I took him with me for a quick work assignment, packed him back in the car, put a sandwich in his hand and some juice in his car seat cup holder and we joyfully made our way home.  I had plans to get STUFF done!  I thought about all the things I planned to do…

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When we returned home, we completed lunch and got ready for some down time {aka: Mommy hopes Mason takes a nap during this time}  Most days he does and this is when I fit some work in. He didn’t.  Nap, I mean.  The days events turned out non productive to say the least.  The toys I left on the floor when we left this morning, deciding I wasn’t going to be THAT mom who has to have everything perfect, every second of the day, somehow multiplied times 2.  Mason gets up from his “rest time” and decides to create some sort of mischief just about every moment, all while laughing about it.

I try to pick up the toys.  I’m overwhelmed.  He sits on my lap and wants me to play.  My heart softens and he laughs while I nibble on his ear.  I think to myself, “this makes it all worth it.”

I make dinner while he scavenges for snacks, runs around and throws yet more toys around.

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I sit down for a bit.  Feeling overwhelmed again.  I go into the other room and I take a deep breath.  I find secretly spilled apple juice on my bathroom floor.  I want to cry.

I come back in the living room and he wants me to pick him up and play some more.  I try with the little bit of energy I have left in me and then try to set him down but he clings to me and wants more.  I sit down with him and try to encourage him to help me put some Legos away.  That works for a while but then I just give up.  Is this what the trenches feel like?  I think it must be…

Not every day goes this way.  Some days actually go quite rhythmically.  But now as I sit in a quieter atmosphere after my sweet mischievous boy is fast asleep I somehow miss the chaos.  The feeling of his cheeks next to mine longing for me to play with him and laugh with him.  I’m now overwhelmed with what a privilege it is, what an honor it is that God picked me to be his mamma.

This afternoon while I was in the shower, I thought of this verse:

“No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

~Romans 8:37 {ESV}

I am NOT in the trenches. I am not hopeless.  My love, although deep for this little boy is finite.  I get weary.  As a mom, sometimes that’s hard for me to admit.  But: I serve a Savior who’s love is limitless and just as He has blessed me with being in charge of this little one, He will also give me strength because He loves us both.  There is hope.  There is peace.  There is rest in eternity.  Even on the most challenging of days.

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