And Even on the Worst of Days

Today.  It started off pretty well…We had a late start to the morning and got ourselves out the door in good time to run 3 miles with a friend.  Bubs slept in the stroller most of the way which is always a good thing.  Then, I took him with me for a quick work assignment, packed him back in the car, put a sandwich in his hand and some juice in his car seat cup holder and we joyfully made our way home.  I had plans to get STUFF done!  I thought about all the things I planned to do…

When we returned home, we completed lunch and got ready for some down time {aka: Mommy hopes Mason takes a nap during this time}  Most days he does and this is when I fit some work in. He didn’t.  Nap, I mean.  The days events turned out non productive to say the least.  The toys I left on the floor when we left this morning, deciding I wasn’t going to be THAT mom who has to have everything perfect, every second of the day, somehow multiplied times 2.  Mason gets up from his “rest time” and decides to create some sort of mischief just about every moment, all while laughing about it.

I try to pick up the toys.  I’m overwhelmed.  He sits on my lap and wants me to play.  My heart softens and he laughs while I nibble on his ear.  I think to myself, “this makes it all worth it.”

I make dinner while he scavenges for snacks, runs around and throws yet more toys around.

I sit down for a bit.  Feeling overwhelmed again.  I go into the other room and I take a deep breath.  I find secretly spilled apple juice on my bathroom floor.  I want to cry.

I come back in the living room and he wants me to pick him up and play some more.  I try with the little bit of energy I have left in me and then try to set him down but he clings to me and wants more.  I sit down with him and try to encourage him to help me put some Legos away.  That works for a while but then I just give up.  Is this what the trenches feel like?  I think it must be…

Not every day goes this way.  Some days actually go quite rhythmically.  But now as I sit in a quieter atmosphere after my sweet mischievous boy is fast asleep I somehow miss the chaos.  The feeling of his cheeks next to mine longing for me to play with him and laugh with him.  I’m now overwhelmed with what a privilege it is, what an honor it is that God picked me to be his mamma.

This afternoon while I was in the shower, I thought of this verse:

“No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

~Romans 8:37 {ESV}

I am NOT in the trenches. I am not hopeless.  My love, although deep for this little boy is finite.  I get weary.  As a mom, sometimes that’s hard for me to admit.  But: I serve a Savior who’s love is limitless and just as He has blessed me with being in charge of this little one, He will also give me strength because He loves us both.  There is hope.  There is peace.  There is rest in eternity.  Even on the most challenging of days.

And to the Next 7 Years

A lot has happened in the last 7 years…Both physically and in our hearts.

 

{I met the love of my life by God’s grace in a moment when I thought true REAL love was hopeless, or that I was un-loveable}

     {We got married}

{I was broken and bruised from choices and chains from my past}

     {I grieved waiting for 3 years for the birth of our first son since God didn’t allow it in MY time}

{We experienced the birth of our first son- He was a surprise and delight in more ways than one}

     {I realized God had an agenda of his own and grace that I failed to see}

{We learned Jono’s work center was closing and were forced to make a choice to stay and take severance or move to keep his job}

     {We picked up everything and moved to Utah with our 3 month old son- I questioned God’s plan for that one}

{God used this new place to Heal my heart}

       {I realized His plans and timing were better than anything I could have asked or dreamed for}

{Again, I tried to schedule out our lives by thinking I could just have our 2nd child in MY time}

{I was wrong.  Once again, I was reminded that God’s plans are better than my own.  I decided to let go and be all in for whatever He had planned for us}

{God showed me His grace again and answered a prayer to go to school and get my Masters in counseling}

Again, not my timing but I’m leaning in.  Waiting, watching, listening.  Humbled.  Grateful.

Jono and I celebrated our 6 year anniversary recently.  Over dinner, we shared our favorite parts of the last 6 years.  One of my favorite things was that we had 3 years to travel and enjoy one another before Bubs came.  God’s grace in hindsight is beautiful.  It’s actually Magnificent!

Here I stand, once again on the edge of the next 7 years of my life.  God, please help me to remember this lesson of your goodness and to trust the bigger picture you see is far greater for me than any list or master plan I can check off my list.  Help me to live this 7 years with eternity in mind.

Isaiah 55:8-9 keeps running through my head…

Perhaps it’s because I’ve recently watched the Movie, God’s Not Dead.  However, tonight, I went back to read the verse in context:

The Compassion of the Lord

55 “Come, everyone who thirsts,
    come to the waters;
and he who has no money,
    come, buy and eat!
Come, buy wine and milk
    without money and without price.
2 Why do you spend your money for that which is not bread,
    and your labor for that which does not satisfy?
Listen diligently to me, and eat what is good,
    and delight yourselves in rich food.
3 Incline your ear, and come to me;
    hear, that your soul may live;
and I will make with you an everlasting covenant,
    my steadfast, sure love for David.
4 Behold, I made him a witness to the peoples,
    a leader and commander for the peoples.
5 Behold, you shall call a nation that you do not know,
    and a nation that did not know you shall run to you,
because of the Lord your God, and of the Holy One of Israel,
    for he has glorified you.

6 “Seek the Lord while he may be found;
    call upon him while he is near;
7 let the wicked forsake his way,
    and the unrighteous man his thoughts;
let him return to the Lord, that he may have compassion on him,
    and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon.
8 For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
    neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.
9 For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
    so are my ways higher than your ways
    and my thoughts than your thoughts.

10 “For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven
    and do not return there but water the earth,
making it bring forth and sprout,
    giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater,
11 so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth;
    it shall not return to me empty,
but it shall accomplish that which I purpose,
    and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it.

12 “For you shall go out in joy
    and be led forth in peace;
the mountains and the hills before you
    shall break forth into singing,
    and all the trees of the field shall clap their hands.
13 Instead of the thorn shall come up the cypress;
    instead of the brier shall come up the myrtle;
and it shall make a name for the Lord,
    an everlasting sign that shall not be cut off.”

~Isaiah 55:1-13

And when I read the last few verses, I cried.  “You shall go out in joy and be lead forth in peace; the mountains and the hills before you shall break forth into singing and all of the trees of the field shall clap their hands.  Instead of the throne shall come up the cypress.”

{I do a really great job of brining up thorns}

But He promises that instead of my own “brier”, he shall  bring up myrtle.  I had to look up the word.  I have a purple thumb and I wouldn’t know a plant from a tree, however, this my friends is myrtle:

And this beauty that He can make of this thorny life will make His name great!  How can I not let go of my own plans to live a life that glorifies Him for eternity. And so as He has been gracious in these 7 years, so shall He be for the next and on to Eternity.

All Glory be to God!!

You are Loved ~ A Letter to our 2 and a half year old

Dearest Bubs,

You are two and a half and I absolutely adore you.

Your handsome little face captivates my soul but even more special is your desire for affection.  

When you lean over to say “Mom!” and instead of saying more words, but instead giving me one or several kisses, I’ve got to say that I feel so loved by you.  You give kisses freely and you give them when asked.  This is actually something new.  You have always been highly “physical” but for a very long time, you weren’t sure exactly what to do with it.  You would charge toward others with nothing but love which would usually result in some sort of bruising, pinching, hitting or squeezing.  Now, it all seems clear.  God has designed you to be affectionate and you are learning to live it out more and more each day.

I’m so proud of the progress you have made in considering others by {occasional} sharing when you don’t want to and giving hugs to babies or children who seem sad.  You are quick to say sorry and quick to forgive.  That is such a beautiful quality in you that reminds me to be more soft in that way.

You have endless energy!  

It’s contagious, yet it puts the energizer bunny to shame.  You keep me on my toes and going all day. In fact, lately, you have somewhat decided that life would be infinitely better if it did not include sleep at all.  The day that I have feared has finally come.  You are fighting your second nap.  I’m not sure if it’s because we have transitioned beds or if its our life that’s transitioning a bit but it is happening none the less.  I’m determined that rest is still an important part of our routine and I offer naps daily but they are sometimes just rest with no sleep.

You still love cars.

You love just about any and every car.  It makes for good road trip entertainment, but Queen {Otherwise known as Lightening McQueen} is your favourite toy.  I daily remind myself that someday I will miss cars being launched all over my carpet and living room and so every day I try my best not to pick them up and excuse them as mess and I play with you.  You love it when someone plays cars with you.  However, you have developed some other loves too.  You love Spider Man.  A love that comes directly from your father no doubt and I know that he is uber excited to be able to share more play experiences and share other interests with you as you grow.

You also love any kind of markers, crayons or otherwise any other type of messy crafty stuff that if left unattended would cover the entire house in rainbows and sunshine.  You are adventurous, right down to the toys you put down into the air vents and cars you throw over the back yard deck and the potty chairs you get stuck on your head.  I have no doubt that many interesting and funny stories will fill our future days that will bring fun, perhaps sometimes pain and laughter.

You live life large!!

You live your life in a big way and conversation is not exception.  At this stage, you are talking but sometimes a little stubborn.  You can say words, you just aren’t always willing to use them.   We are little behind in that regard, at least it seems that way when we look around and compare your progress to other children your age, but you comprehend so well and you know exactly how to express your emotions, even when you don’t have words.  You charge at life each day with full expression.  I know eventually we will find ourselves right where we need to be in language so I’m not pushing you but I’m so looking forward to our conversations about life and God.  You are most definitely my favorite little friend.  It’s such an honor to spend each day with you.

You are an explorer!

This is one of the most fun parts of being your mom.  You love to see and try new things and you just dive right in.  I love that about you and I love taking you places.  I’m not gonna lie, it’s sometimes difficult to take you to places where we have to behave and share and stand still but I always feel like the lessons we learn both in practical life and adventure are so worth it.  I love exploring with you.

There so much more to say but this is just a little snapshot of our stage in life right now.  The thing I always want you to know at any stage is that you are loved my sweet boy.  By God.  By your daddy and I.  By so many.

You are loved.

I know sometimes you doubt it, And you don’t hear it often enough But know this one thing As you walk this earth,

You are loved

In your finest hours, And your weakest moments…

You are loved

Covered with dirt, Or fresh from your bath, Respected, rejected,Defamed or acclaimed…

You are loved

You may wear that love Proudly as a red flower, Or keep it silent As cat whiskers, But, one thing that you may never do With that love…is doubt it.� This is your guarantee And your obligation, Because as surely as you live…

You are loved.

By Judith Bond 1989

Chosen & Dearly Loved~ The Shafovaloff’s Adoption Story

Many of you might remember our dear friends Ian & Taryn from Seattle who adopted and are now proud parents of 3 beautiful boys from Nicaragua! If you don’t, you can read their story HERE.  We were so blessed to be able to see them bring the boys home and take part in a small piece of their joy and story.  We are far away from them in location now, but we had the privilege for a short time to experience the blessing of community that gathered around to support them and still do as they struggle through the wonderful and challenging parts of that adoption.  We also got to see the tremendous beauty in adoption and how it creates a family that God intends even outside the boundaries of natural birth.

More recently, now in our church community here in Utah, we have been blessed to come to know in small part the Shafovaloff family.  You can read about their adoption Story Here: Hanna Piper’s Adoption Story

Meet the Shafavoloff family & precious new baby Hanna Piper:

Although a bit different from the Hardy adoption in nature, hearing this story has touched me in the same way.  God’s grace truly extends beyond the circumstances we are given.  Although our circumstances are a part of our story, it’s so good to see God at work providing loving families for these little ones and that He really truly cares for the little and big desires of our heart.

This adoption has already happened, however, the finances for this adoption are still large and are something this family is working toward paying off.

I want all my friends both near and far to know about this story for many different reasons:

• To see an awesome picture of God’s provision and hope

• To pray for this family that God will provide everything that they need to secure this adoption and a healthy life for Hannah

• To give ~ There are two ways that you can support this adoption financially:

Through The Chosen Half Marathon & 5k: If you live in Utah you can sign up to run the Chosen 5k, Half Marathon or Just register for the “Sleeper” to support them.  Just register and sign up for team Shafovaloff and all proceeds go directly toward their adoption.  To register, go to: http://www.chosenmarathon.com/event/salt-lake-city-half-marathon/, or you can click on the Chosen Marathon button on the upper right side of my blog.  I’m running this race and I LOVE the idea of raising funds for this!

 or

You can visit their ABBA Fund Adoption Page by clicking on the link or going to: http://www.abbafund.org/blog/team-      shafovaloff/#/step1.  Here, you can sign up and give any amount, even as  little as $5.  There is no page to give toward my running for this race but you can be sure that if you donate anything on this page, it will go directly toward Hannah Piper’s adoption with the Shafovaloff family 🙂

Thanks for listening, praying and considering giving in some way.  We are so happy for them and are always in awe of the beauty of how God chooses these little ones for special families such as this!  

You can also continue to pray and follow Stacia’s blog: Clumsy Mothering for updates by clicking HERE

Update on Potty Training ~ And a Little Situation…

Potty training, it’s been so so…Bubs doesn’t have as much of interest in it at this stage as I thought he might.  We keep his potty chair in sight and ask him all the time if he wants to go.  If he does, and after he washes his hands, he gets a handful of m&m’s from our special “potty candy jar” sitting in the bathroom on the top shelf. Good times!

In other news: Bubs happened to get his head stuck in his potty seat today…

I called Daddy and informed him of the situation, feeling a little panicked and his response was laughter.  He asked if I had taken a picture.  And so I did…and laughed a little AND cringed a lot as my sweet boy screamed in pain while we tried to get out of this “situation”.

When all was said and done, we opted to destroy said potty chair.  Sad but true.  As un-utilized as it was, it lived a short life. 

Success! And laughs and squeals of joy from both of us when it was all over!